he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
50% drunk capacity currently
Just pee around me
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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