It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There's always time for handjobs
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
