So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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