i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
