jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
