I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
