hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
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I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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