The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
