she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
