Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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