I hope mine doesn't look like that
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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