The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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