those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
