Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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