I'm jealous of your bromance
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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