he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
