I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Randomize
