Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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