Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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