guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
