Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
