Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
