I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
