Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
