Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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