I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
