i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize