Don't make out with my wife yet
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
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Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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