he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
