WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
