Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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