It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
