I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
