Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
