I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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