Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
