Me too!
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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