Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
