walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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