I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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