It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
