also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
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