Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
