So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
