On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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