My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
