im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Randomize
