remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
