the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
