Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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