dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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