i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
