4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize