Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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