you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
