just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Sober January is a disaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize