my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Randomize
