I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
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I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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