he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
