Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
