Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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