he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
