Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
