I just saw a hot homeless man
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
