That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
