An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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