I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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