break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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