my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I could fuck to npr.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
