dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You may now shotgun with the bride
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
