Your face is a jimmy john
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
