I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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