i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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