My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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