Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
