i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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