he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
