End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize