did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
