My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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