i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
