Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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