You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
