He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
